Active Listening vs. "Already Always Listening"
What's This Post About?
Tim Ferriss once shared a quote by Anaïs Nin that struck a chord with me: "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." It got me thinking about the Discovery process in sales—the step where relationships are built and where we figure out if a prospect is genuinely a fit for what we offer. And let's be honest, it's also where most of us get in our own way.
Think about it. We're not just hearing what prospects say; we're filtering it through our own preconceived notions, past experiences, and biases. This is what Werner Erhard calls "already always listening." It's the idea that we're not genuinely present; we're stuck in our heads, half-listening, half-predicting. And yeah, it's different from the buzzword Active Listening.
Active Listening vs. "Already Always Listening"
Active listening sounds sleek and marketable, right? It's the trendy advice you hear everywhere: pay attention, respond, reflect, and retain what's said. Sure, it's useful. But if we're being honest, active listening can feel formulaic and a bit too "salesy."
Meanwhile, "already always listening" is more foundational. It's that unconscious filter we all carry around—how we see the world and how we anticipate interactions. You say "Taylor Swift," and immediately your brain floods with narratives, true or not. The same goes for "Tiger Woods." We think we know people, situations, and industries—but it's just our own biases talking.
Believe me, I have an "already always listening" voice—it's something I acknowledge most of the time, and just like exercise, I address it regularly. In my early sales career, it hindered me from making more cold calls or asking that extra clarifying question. I'd walk into calls thinking I knew exactly what the prospect would say, and you can guess how that usually turned out.
Why It Matters in Sales
Let's make this practical. Imagine you're selling software to healthcare companies, and the last 15 calls ended with, "The economy's tight; we can't buy right now." You hear that enough, and it starts to become your own narrative. When you call the next prospect, you're already bracing for the same objection. That's "already always listening" at work.
But what if that next prospect is facing different economic constraints? What if you let those past experiences dictate your approach, making you less effective? It's the assumptions that kill deals—not the prospects.
Balancing Active and "Already Always" Listening
Here's where it gets interesting: if you only rely on active listening without addressing your "already always listening" tendencies, you're setting yourself up for failure. You might ask all the right questions but miss the mark because your hidden biases are still in the driver's seat.
Conversely, you're not much better off if you're self-aware about your biases but don't actively engage with what your prospect is saying. The sweet spot? A blend of both.
Active listening has been a struggle my entire career. I could rightfully blame my ADD brain, but that doesn't solve the problem. I continually re-train my brain to focus on solving the prospect's situation, reminding myself that it's their decision, not mine. I push myself to ask that extra clarifying question and get the prospect to share their thoughts in their own words. Sometimes, it's a battle, but the payoff is worth it.
Techniques for Active Listening
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Skip the "yes" or "no". Get them talking. Instead of "Do you have a CRM?" try "How does your current CRM support your sales and marketing efforts?"
Paraphrase and Summarize: This shows you're engaged and ensures you're on the same page.
Non-Judgmental Listening: Set aside your biases, even the sneaky ones.
Be Patient: Focus on them, not your mental script.
Addressing "Already Always Listening"
Awareness: Recognize that you're listening through your filter.
Pause: Resist acting on that initial filter. Don't jump to conclusions.
Test Your Assumptions: Use your questions to confirm or challenge your biases.
As Henry Ford put it, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't—you're right." The stories you tell yourself shape the outcomes you create. If you've convinced yourself that every small business has no budget, guess what? That's exactly what you'll find.
A Quick Exercise for Your Next Call
Before your next call:
Write down your assumptions about the person, company, and industry.
Get brutally honest.
Don't hold back—this is for your eyes only.
Acknowledge that these are your perceptions, not facts.
Go into the conversation with a clean slate, ready to ask questions that genuinely seek to uncover new information, not just validate what you think you already know.
Final Thoughts
This is why I love sales—it's as much about personal growth as it is professional. The better you know yourself, and the more you challenge your internal narratives, the more effective you'll be. It's not just about mastering techniques; it's about mastering you.
Reading Recommendation: If this topic resonates, check out The Three Laws of Performance by Steve Zaffron & Dave Logan. It's a great read on reshaping how we see and interact with the world.
Thanks for reading. If you like what you read, please share and spread the word. If you want to implement the strategies mentioned in this or any other blog post, reach out, and let's talk.
Bernard Kuhn
Sales Strategist
Are you tired of the same old sales talk? Me too. That's why I'm here to share what it's like to navigate the world of selling. Join me on a journey of self-discovery and lifelong learning as I confess my sales sins and share insights beyond the typical sales playbook.
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